Beneath the Cowl

I have been at this for almost 2 years now.

I have fought the mob, corrupt cops, crazed clowns, riddled enigmas, seductive cat-burglars, wealthy penguins, and a list of nameless faces who have been outside the reach of the law. And more show up each night.

I am tired.

Perhaps I am lost.

I have been at this fight, alone, since I was 9. I have kept my promise!

But I am tired.

And I am alone.

I know I am not the only one out there. I know I have a standing invitation to be a "full-time" member of the Justice League. I know there are others out there with power rings, lightening speed, and of course the man of steel. I know I am not alone in this fight. But nonetheless I am alone.

Who am I really?

Am I am not allowed to ask this question? Am I not allowed to explore the struggles of being a Batman and being Bruce Wayne? Are the two lives interdependent of one another or am I becoming the Batman and dying to Bruce Wayne? Must I be one or the other?

Beneath the cowl I am just a man. I am Bruce Wayne. A man with a tragic tale of childhood and with a secret. A man who seeks to use his fortunes to eliminate crime from Gotham as giant bat. But is that who that man is? Is Bruce Wayne just Batman pretending to be Bruce Wayne? Or is Bruce Wayne pretending to be Batman?

Maybe if I had the time I would take Dr. Meridian on her offer.

I am not sure if Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same. I am not sure if the two can ever be the same.    I do know Bruce Wayne cannot stay in the shadows. I do know Bruce Wayne needs to find something outside of the cowl. I know Bruce needs to be something more than just the person beneath this cowl.

But what?

Is that not the question, Father? Do you have the answer from beyond? Does Alfred have the answer in the here and now? If I asked him, he'd undoubtedly tell me he does. Alfred always has an answer.

But does he or anyone have the answer I am seeking? Is the charade of Bruce Wayne an extreme version of myself to take away any suspicion that I am the Batman? Is it possible to find a balance between Batman and Bruce Wayne?

Question without an answer. For now.